Boat Man: Pick Up a Watersports Rider
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Boat Man: Pick Up a Watersports Rider

August 13, 2019


Man, it’s been a hot minute
since I’ve towed a rider. I can’t remember the
ins and outs of this. Well, it’s a good thing
I’m here once again to exercise my superpower. Hang on. Are you Boat Man? I saw something on the
news about some guy giving unsolicited but totally
necessary boating advice. So what exactly is
your superpower? Well, obviously, it’s
boating knowledge. But you don’t fly or see
through walls or anything? Well, no, but I can see through
shoddy boat misinformation. Well, that’s not a super power. And how long exactly have
you been in that hatch? Well, what time did we
get on the lake today? I guess about four hours ago. I’ve been studying the
Boaters Safety Manual and slamming energy drinks. Anyway, let’s talk about
how we can pick up a rider. (SINGING) He’s Boat Man. He’s got no discernible
superpower, but on the lake he’s the man of
the hour ’cause he knows everything about boats. Look, this is right
from Wikipedia. There is no rigid
definition of a superpower. In popular culture,
it may be used to describe anything
from minimal exaggeration of normal human traits– Look, look, Boat
Man, I just need to know how to pick up a rider. You shall know, and this
lake shall have its hero. As soon as a rider
is down, you want to look for them to
signal they’re OK, especially if it’s a hard fall. Always keep the fallen rider
in view on the driver’s side. (LAUGHING) Whoa, he’s so
concise, yet informative, it’s like he’s got a superpower. Don’t say it! Don’t say it. Any time you see your
rider fall or your spotter says the rider is down, you
want to cut the throttle and turn the wheel. Your spotter should raise
a water sport safety flag to signal to other boats
that you have a rider down, if that’s required
in your state. Regardless of whether it’s
required in your state, a spotter is always a good idea. Never go back to the fallen
skier at speed or on plane. Well, that make sense. If the rider is getting
back into the boat, turn the engine off
when you’re near. So Boat Man, what are
you doing later tonight? I’m studying the
Boaters Handbook in my mother’s basement. But maybe you can show me
how to properly navigate channel markers. If the rider is
getting back up, keep idling until they have the
handle, the rope is taut, and you hear them say, hit it. Hit it! Don’t use the word “go” because
it sounds too much like “no,” and there could
be some confusion. But I love you, Boat Man. You have more boating knowledge
than anyone I’ve ever met. And it’s totally a superpower. You’re sounding
desperate, Sheila. Anyway, follow these
tips, use common sense, and you and your fellow
water sports enthusiasts will have a great
day on the water.

1 Comment

  • Reply Vela party of five July 26, 2018 at 3:22 pm

    Thank you….Hilarious! and informative!

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