Kyle Kinane – Bonus Live at Budokan (from Death of the Party)
Articles, Blog

Kyle Kinane – Bonus Live at Budokan (from Death of the Party)

August 17, 2019


One of the eh… One of the sh…
Here’s the problem with the shows that I watch: Is I watch the survival shows… And I watch…
The apocalypse shows. But then I’ll still watch “How it’s Made”
every few weeks. Because I feel, like, if I gotta fill out a resume…
I can convince someone. – Are you familiar with QuickBooks Pro?
– No, but I can make an English leather saddle in tinfoil from scratch! How ’bout I just see you on Monday, Bossman? Then, mixed in with those shows is that, eh… Is that… Within the job shows and all that stuff, like… They’re gonna try and show you shows… Then they show you shows
about stuff that you can never spend your money on. Stuff that you’ll never…
Just complete fantasy, rich bullshit. That’s of a level that even if you had that money,
anybody with a decent sensibility would never purchase This gratuitous horse shit. But i’ll tune in to it. I’m fascinated with it. Watch a show about…
Top… Top cruises you can take. Top cruises you can take in the world. Fuck it. I’ve got an afternoon off. Let’s watch about top…
I wouldn’t take a regular cruise! I wouldn’t take number 247 cruise. But let me… Let me watch the top 100. They count down…
Blabitty-blah… Pool’s on the lido deck. They get down to the top one. Private cruise.
Two weeks. Mediterranean. They show a picture of this boat.
It’s a million bucks. They show a picture of this boat. There it is.
Let’s go onto the boat. Virtual tour. Antique wood this… What have you… All the features. Doorknobs… Doorknobs made out of ivory… On this boat. I stood up from my couch.
And I said… “I’m spending a million dollars on this fucking boat ride,
and you’re giving me IVORY DOORKNOBS?!” I don’t know about you,
but when you’re virtually rich, you get real uppity about it. I march about my living room…
If I’m going on a million dollar boat ride… I’m putting my hand out to open a door… And there’s anything less than the jewl-encrusted skulls of babies
of 16th century noblemen… I would just as quick drown myself
off the starboard bow! Oh no, please, let’s take a tour of the bathroom! Ooh! Marble this and that!
Fuck yourself! There is no personal chef in here 24 hours a day? What’re you supposed to do when you get your bath tub munchies?
Like we all do! Nothing acompanies a hot bath
like a cool bowl of cookie crisp! “Garcon!”
Nobody’s around! “Let’s go on the deck”
Yeah, let’s go on the deck! Oh, you know what’s missing? A cargo hold built into the hull of this ship,
filled to the brim with tormenters from my childhood. Picked up from around the globe by a detailed list
that I provided to my travel agent well in advance! Let alone is there some kind of great White shark,
or other flesh-eating sea creacture, Being towed behind said vessel.. Through some newly invented nautical harness
(probably carbon fiber!) What, for me to throw said tormenters to at my leisure! I mean they didn’t even have a microwave on there,
for if you want to have a tombstone pizza or something. I just don’t understand new money, I think…
That’s the problem… Enjoy all your chrome!
I don’t know.. I don’t get it…

4 Comments

  • Reply senorseanwaters December 23, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    Yes!

  • Reply Spencer Jackson April 5, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    Agreed

  • Reply Rachel Holder August 9, 2013 at 6:30 am

    He truly is:) I love his self damaging sense of humor. His voice and style are amazing.

  • Reply ROB.T. January 28, 2016 at 11:14 pm

    Saw him live – absolutely loved his comedy. BTW this track is AWESOME!!!

  • Leave a Reply